In a demonstration of the social engineering only found in MMOs, thousands of Old School RuneScape players – because they are, of course, OSRS players – rediscovered an old mini-game and transformed it independently into a community event that only runs on animal power. -digital tactics and a serious addiction to “sq’irk” fruit.
February 12, 2007, RuneScape developer Jagex has released a new mini-game for the Thief skill. It was called the Witch’s Garden, and in a nutshell, it involved hiding from elemental guards and infiltrating the titular garden in order to steal and squeeze fruits called sq’irks.
The garden was added years before RuneScape was split into the mainline MMO and the later-relaunched retro version now known as OSRS – or, rather aptly, landscape 2007 on the official subreddit. The minigame has remained virtually unchanged for 16 years, but that hasn’t stopped OSRS players from randomly stacking it so hard that entire game worlds have collapsed.
They are powerless against the boys in the crowd. Since landscape r/2007
It’s hard to say exactly when it was discovered, but in recent days a new method for making cheese Sorceress’ Garden started to circulate. Players figured out that if there were enough people in the minigame, the aforementioned guards wouldn’t actually be able to catch everyone they saw, leaving the lucky few to skip the stealth part entirely and walk up to the s irks, significantly speeding up these XP thieves. earnings. With enough people, “the lucky few” become “the lucky ones” almost everybody“, encouraging coordinated groups frequently referred to as “masses” in OSRS.
Early reports exaggeratedly claimed that this method could yield over 250,000 or even 400,000 Thieving XP per hour with minimal input. All you have to do is click on the squirrels and roll the dice on the guard AI. It is a lot of XP for such a simple method, especially for a skill that is notoriously tedious.
The maximum realistic XP rate has since been calculated around 200,000 XP per hour, which is still good, and it’s more than enough to keep the sq’irk train running. That said, the real payoff for most players has been the nostalgic camaraderie of it all, reminiscent of the innocent days that OSRS is, by its very design, trying to emulate and preserve.
“Even though it’s only 150,000 XP/hr (which is very solid but not broken), I found it super fun and social,” writes one Reddit user. fastAndBIG. “I’ve never enjoyed Thieving as much, even less spam clicks than traditional methods.”
“Witches’ Garden mass event feels like the old days,” adds a searing message from RSN_Kabutops. “So many people are mindlessly running around the map. People spouting random nonsense in chat. The arguments, the compliments, the chaos. Yes, it’s pretty good XP, but it’s actually pretty fun. Even if it’s the same click over and over again. Socializing in 523 seems straight out of 2005. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”
The funniest part to me is the culture that sprung up around Squ’irkin’ almost overnight. Successful sq’irk thieves are considered free runners, while unfortunate players caught by guards are called – with all due respect, reverence and gratitude – sacrificial lambs. Some players feel that the quality of your connection affects your chances of getting caught, but conversations about how to avoid becoming a sacrificial lamb all seem like old wives’ tales to me. Anyway, I’m pretty sure this is how cults startpeople.
Behold: Hundreds of players pour one out for NihilisticSleepyBear, who apparently can’t steal a squ’irk to save his life.
OSRS players jointly decided that world 523 would be the home of the sq’irk mass, although with some reluctance from players campaigning for a world ending in 51 due to the Storm Zone 51-esque hustle energy. Since OSRS worlds capped at 2,000 players, 524 has become a world overflowing with the popularity of the event.
I’m not speaking hyperbole when I say that thousands of players are probably working for the Squirkins right now, no doubt as Jagex looks on in horror and bemusement at the monster they have inadvertently created. Players are already praying that the minigame, which isn’t even the best method of flying in ideal conditions and, unlike other methods, doesn’t generate money, isn’t nerfed in some way or another. Players are hungry for irk, Jagex. Let them have it.
Even the OSRS community had a hard time digesting This Secretly Horrible 21,840-Hour Screenshot A Gamer Used To Scare Reddit.